Craziest Rumor of the Week: The 13th Doctor Is Already Cast!

doctorsneerDOCTOR WHO returns to screens around the planet Saturday evening, so of course it’s time to step up the speculation about when it’s all going to spiral into entropy.

Mysterious “sources” — those things multiply like adipose, don’t they? — claim to know what will happen in this year’s Christmas Special, and what will happen is very… weird.

If is to be believed — in which case, SPOILER! — the 12th Doctor will encounter “a Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come” in the form of his next incarnation and sexy companion!

It has already been widely rumored that Jenna Coleman’s Clara will not be in the 2015 holiday episode, making plenty of room for the return of River Song (Alex Kingston). The story will have the Doctor (Peter Capaldi) and River fighting an alien menace in the far future.

And that’s where our heroes get a glimpse of the 13th Doctor: very young, wearing a blue suit and matching pea coat as well as sunglasses. The actor is said to be just 20 years old! Supposedly his new companion will be played by model-turned-actress Cara Delevingne!

Capaldi would then not have a 10th season, but rather a David Tennant-like succession of three hour-long “specials” throughout 2016 before leaving the role on New Year’s Day 2017.

Can you say Oodshit?

I’m not buying this for a second. The 13th Doctor has already been secretly cast? No. Way. Delevingne has already committed herself to the series for the next two years? Unlikely. Even the idea of releasing her name this early tosses up red warning flags!

drvelvetAnd what kind of crazed costume designer would give the Doctor sunglasses as part of his basic costume, thus robbing the lead actor of his most versatile acting tools, his eyes?

And isn’t enough to have rumors of the return of the Eighth Doctor (Paul McGann) without needing to add the 13th?

There’s just too much precise detail for this to be credible as a rumor. Usually rumors are straw-thin and feature distorted information — usually from other episodes — salted in.

However, on the plus side, this kind of ground-breaking, paradigm-busting Big Moment is just the sort of thing that executive producer Steven Moffat would revel in, and it’s not above him to try it.

New regeneration cycle, anyone? Or how about a previously unknown mayfly Doctor shoehorned into continuity? Or a Time Lord becoming a Time Lady?

Moffat is not shy with a Big Idea.

We saw the 12th Doctor’s bushy eyebrows before the 11th Doctor’s regeneration, so why not an entire new Doctor?

DOCTOR WHO season nine premieres Saturday at 9 p.m. on BBC America.

Oh, yeah? Sez you!

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