SURVIVOR: ONE WORLD 24.6: “Thanks for the Souvenir”

And then there were 12…

This week’s episode was really rather weak and anticlimactic, salvaged only by the health emergency that knocked the vile Colton out of the game just as he was implementing his master plan to become King (or Queen — his choice) of the Dumbest Passel of Players in Years.

I would not wish appendicitis on anyone, but… If it had to happen to one of the players on SURVIVOR: ONE WORLD, then no was more deserving than Colton, who has spent his entire tenure on the island spewing hate and chortling with self-satisfaction over the misery of others — much of it inflicted by him. That kind of bad karma was bound to come back and bite him.

Colton and his toady, Alicia, began the show by insulting Christina mercilessly; laughing as they told her she was going to be the next one voted out. In fact, Colton invited her to jump into the fire and be medically evacuated! (Be careful what you wish for….) I was surprised that the producers aired so much of the abuse Colton and the self-righteous Alicia heaped on the hapless Christina, but I suppose they wanted to demonstrate what a monster Colton was (as if that wasn’t clear enough) before he was carted away, lest anyone feel sorry for him. Christina looked like she wanted to cry, but she held it together, and even tried to save herself, appealing to the other players to vote out Alicia instead.

Colton

After a commercial break, Colton was suddenly suffering from an intense headache and abdominal pain. (Who edited this episode?) Surprisingly, Christina was the only one to comfort him. But despite her (seemingly sincere) compassion, Colton dismissed her ministrations as sucking up. Good ol’ Colton… hateful to the end. When Christina came across the villain lying in the forest, curled up in the fetal position and crying, she summoned medical help. Good thing she was ‘sucking up,” eh, Colton? She could have left you there to die. Y’know, if she was playing the game.

Host Jeff Probst arrived with two EMTs who assessed the sobbing, moaning Colton. Any viewer might be tempted to think that all the venom stored up in his brain had leaked into his body and poisoned it, but no, it was just acute appendicitis. The medic ruled he had to leave the game, devastating Colton — who had somehow refrained from insulting and belittling the EMTs. Between tears, Colton asked if he could give his immunity idol to someone (after all, it was given to him). Jeff said it was up to him, so Colton decided to keep it, asking Alicia to relay a message to his benefactor, Sabrina: “Thanks for the souvenir.”

Wow, what a classless guy! Clearly, all those racist, classist and just plain mean put-downs were no fluke. I could not be happier that Colton is out of the game. The anguish he felt over not being able to follow through on his 39-day plan was only a fraction of the hurt he laid on Bill, Christina and others. Alicia had to nerve to claim that Colton’s illness had screwed her most of all. Really? Talk about selfish!

Salani had no idea what was happening with Colton. The next day, instead of an Immunity Challenge, both teams were summoned to Tribal Council, sparking immediate consternation in Salani, and worried resignation at Manono. (Especially for Alicia, who really was screwed!)

Kat

The special Tribal Council would have been much more exciting (well, at least interesting) if it had gone the way the tribes feared it would and they had been forced to vote someone out…. Would Manono have eliminated Christina or Alicia? We will never know, since Jeff announced the merge. (Now they really are “one world.”)

The rest of the council was just one long conversation, with the only tension coming when the rest of the merged tribe debated whether Colton had slipped Alicia his immunity idol. (Have they met the man? Of course he would take it home and screw his alliance!) I love the way the worm has turned on smug Alicia. But are Jonas, Leif and Tarzan smart enough to turn on their former tormentor?

It was adorable the way Kat had no idea what appendicitis is, and fretted about how to keep her appendix (wherever it is) safe from injury. Really, Kat? (Insert blonde joke here.)

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Oh, yeah? Sez you!

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