Your Government at Work: CDC vs. Zombies

If you're ready for a zombie apocalypse, then you're ready for any emergency. emergency.cdc.govThere’s a lot of debate about what government should or should not be doing; whether it should be more or less involved in the lives of private citizens. Well, I think we can all agree on one thing: The government should absolutely stand ready to protect us from a zombie apocalypse.

And that’s where the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention comes in. I promise I am not making this up: The CDC recently published, on its Public Health Matters Blog on May 16, advice on preparing for a Zombie Apocalypse. It’s true. And it’s not even October! The CDC references the history of zombie beliefs in the real world as well as TV/movie depictions (while conspicuously failing to mention AMC’s THE WALKING DEAD, in which the CDC figures prominently, if not exactly favorably; go figure!), and then goes on to explain the preparations one should make to stave off zombies. And, of course, survive other types of disasters. “Identify the types of emergencies that are possible in your area. Besides a zombie apocalypse, this may include floods, tornadoes, or earthquakes. If you are unsure contact your local Red Cross chapter for more information,” the blog entry advises.

Certainly, this is the true purpose of the posting, and I applaud the CDC for finding an entertaining way to make a very serious point. Among the supplies CDC recommends stockpiling:
• Water (1 gallon per person per day)
• Food (stock up on non-perishable items that you eat regularly)
• Medications (this includes prescription and non-prescription meds)
• Tools and Supplies (utility knife, duct tape, battery powered radio, etc.)

Still, despite some good advice, I couldn’t help noticing that the CDC falls pathetically short on detailing actual zombie defenses. The “tools” section notably fails to mention archery kits, shotguns, shovels, hammers and other blunt objects, nor does it make any suggestions for the most efficient ways to destroy zombie brains – or even the proper disposal of the undead. Typical government work, right?

Still, citizens (of the USA, at least; the rest of the world? Good luck…) can relax a bit, knowing that CDC will be on the job, post-apocalypse:

“If zombies did start roaming the streets, CDC would conduct an investigation much like any other disease outbreak. CDC would provide technical assistance to cities, states, or international partners dealing with a zombie infestation. This assistance might include consultation, lab testing and analysis, patient management and care, tracking of contacts, and infection control (including isolation and quarantine).”

Oh, yeah? Sez you!

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