Melrose Place Winterizes the Pool

Sydney

Who's gonna swim in this deathtrap now?

MELROSE PLACE wrapped things up (for now) with a fall finale that solved the “Who Killed Sydney?” mystery and tried to position its players for new stories after the winter hiatus in 2010.

The most important development was the revelation of Sydney’s killer, and it just felt…rushed and anticlimactic. After spending so many weeks dragging things out and larding on the red herrings, the reveal came via a convenient flashback: Michael’s jealous wife, Vanessa (Brooke Burns), recalled confronting Syd about sleeping with her husband. Sydney knew that Vanessa was also sleeping with Michael’s son David — and was probably the true father of “Michael’s” other son, Noah. So Vanessa flipped out and slashed Sydney, who stumbled into the open courtyard — where Vanessa delivered the killing blow and launched Syd into the pool.

This was so wrong on so many levels. First of all, it makes the entire whodunnit unfair, since Vanessa wasn’t even in the series premiere, when the murder took place (Burns did not show up until episode three.), so fans never had a chance to really solve it. Unless, of course, you predicted the culprit would be someone yet-to-be-revealed. Further, in an apartment complex packed with so many nosy neighbors, nobody looked outside when they heard a woman being slashed to death at the pool? Seriously? And then, in a bit that was clearly supposed to be ironic, Sydney’s daughter Violet drowned Vanessa in that same pool. Again, nobody bothered to look outside when they heard two women fighting in the pool? Nobody? The only person who was in the right place at the right time was Amanda — who stood by and watched Vi drown a woman. Did Amanda know it was Vanessa? Does it matter? Now she has Violet under her thumb — for all the good that will do her.

MP also established a new standard for “Loser,” in the person of Rick, one of Lauren’s johns, who roofied the hooker. Huh? Dude, you paid for her, why would you want to drug her?

Only slightly less believable than everything else that went on was Curtis (another one of MP’s seemingly endless string of Hollywood megaproducers) buying Jonah’s movie idea after the dude’s craptastic pitch. If Curtis throws money around like that, how did he get so damn successful? And, once again referring back to the series premiere, Riley got another opportunity to balk at marrying Jonah, so he finally got smart and dumped her. However, Jonah himself is definitely a winner, because he promptly hooked up with Ella! (At least with her, he knows he’s hooked a baracuda.)

So where does that leave everyone for the second half of the season. Well, Lauren is in her own hospital, fighting for her life after an adverse reaction to being drugged; Jonah and Riley are broken up; Jonah and Ella are an item; Amanda is looking for a $19 million painting (Does she know David is an art thief?); and, apropos of nothing, Auggie started drinking again. Wait, scratch that — Colin Egglesfield has been cut from the cast, so Auggie is either headed for rehab or the boneyard.

And I’m not completely convinced that MELROSE won’t be following him. Part of me would not be surprised if it does not return from hiatus.

Oh, yeah? Sez you!

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